I CAN DO IT!!!!!

I have been doing very well with recovery lately. But today I had a set back. I didn't really eat. All day I made myself smile, I made myself look "happy". Even though I was far away from it. I feel as if today is when everything finally sunk in. Everything I read about myself, yesterday at school. Wispering today. I just let it get to me. I didn't put up a battle at all. 

If you knew me 4 years ago, you would say I've change tremendously. I pretended like nothing was wrong! EVER! I had the "perfect" life. I was just extrealy strong. I didn't give two shit's about what someone said to me. I had been thorugh hell and back with personal stuff. I was one tough cookie! I never cried. When I did it was because my bubble finally burst. I would cry for hours. I would scream in the air, like someone could hear me out there. I would wish for so many things. Over the years I lost my back bone. I started letting things get to me, I began to care what others thought of me. I was always the girl that said "who gives a shit, be you. You're perfect". Now I'm the girl trying to take her own advice.

When your on the other side of the road, it's a lot different. You repeat everything everyone says to you. Your friends tell you to just not give a shit. But if you have ever been bullied severally and you know how it feels you wouldn't say get over it. Because It's not that easy. Some people have told me that I need to stop taking everything to heart. She's right. But she also has no idea what it's like to be bullied her entire life either. Or be cyber bullied.  She hates when people call her sick, because she's to thin.  That makes her upset. What if it was to switch? Everyone on someone else. Which I know happens every day. If it was you, YOU WOULD CARE. I don't care if you think or say you wont. You will never know until you're put in that situation.

Now that it's the end of the night, I feel guilty. I feel ashamed of myself. I let everything get to me. Which I haven't been in the past two days. 

I finally sat here and listened to my thoughts.  Which I have been blocking out. 

I guess the point of this blog is basically, you have your ups and downs wirh recovory, but it's up to you to choose which way you go.

STAY STRONG<3