Urgeses

Urges- A strong desire or impulse:

Some are good and some are bad and then some are extremely harmful. Some people have urges for sex, some have them to smoke, as well as drinking. Some urges are healthy to explore. Some are not good to explore.  When you have some sort of Mental illnesses you tend to explore things you shouldn't. When you find something you like, that you shouldn't, you want them even more. These are the kind of urges I have been having lately. To the extreme. Today in my session I quickly explained my urges to restrict. I told her why, which is simply, that I seen a girl who was thin last year and now she is a bit over weight. Which is very judgmental on my side. But that scared me, it made me think, now that I am eating healthy and I'm not engaging in behaviors that I could possibly loose weight. Which gives me the strongest urge to restrict or purge. Which is not good. I want urges that are great. Which Hopefully I am heading that way. Because I seen that one girl, I am terrified!! She had to look at me and say "how can you change that, you have to think you are not that girl. You can control what you do. Then she said what would happen if you gained 1 one pound." I looked at her and I was like "I can tell when I gain weight, I don't know how, I just can.  It's like I have this perception and I have like tunnel vision and the only thing I can focus on is were that 1 pound went." Then I went home and I thought about what she said, I am still afraid. I have been obsessing about it for the past two days. Which is something I should do. So I can RE think these thoughts and pick them piece by piece and figure out what is actully right and what my brain just focuses on.

This is also when everything comes into play, Feat,Strength,the choice rather you want recovery. It's basically just one big decision on you, So rather you want to cave into your urges or want to stay strong, it's up to YOU!