Mood swings

Lately I have been in a great mood, but I found myself slowly decreasing at around 9 and 10. I was in constant battles with my mind, I couldn't get out of my mind. I was at a bonfire tonight, and it was suppose to be a good night. But with the battle in my head I made it into a disaster.  I was with friends, and a guy I really liked, and still do. I told him I could not date him, and I was really sorry for leading him on.  I felt like the biggest ass whole ever. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't even put into words on how I feel. I feel so rude and like a bitch. I literally can not date. Everyone says it's mental, obviously. They tell me to get over it and just do it. It's not that simple for me. Something happened growing up witch makes it really hard for me. As well as multiple reasons, I don't know why I am like this. This is why I stay in my room, and I don't date. Because I hurt someone and myself.  I sit here and I ponder on why I can't and why I don't allow myself to. It makes me feel even more depressed then I already am. 

I don't know what to do anymore.