Today, before my tennis game I was doing so well. I was so positive, all my shots were going in. I was so excited. I was telling my partner how we were going to do so great! Once we started playing I lost all hope. It was like someone had told me all of my dreams crashed to the ground. I have never played that way in my entire life.My game never picked up.
You wouldn't believe it, I just cried watching Hey Arnold. Because the horse almost died.
I am super emotional, and I feel out of control. Like I was never in control before.
Tomorrow is a half a day. I will be able to get some sleep, relax and get in control of myself.
I hate bad days. I feel as if I have had a lot. I am not going to let my self slip back. I did great with food today. I am eating a shake as we speak.
I feel self fish though, today I seen a girl who had gained A LOT of weight since last year and it scared me. The rest of the day I felt as if I was her. We look a like, kind of. And it triggered me to have like day dreams of how big I was getting. Even though I haven't gained weight and I've stayed the same, I feel as if I am gainning weight. It terrifies me. All I can picture in my head it some girl that I'm not. It terrifies me knowing what I could look like if I ate "normal". It kind of scares me.
The thought of restriction and to purge as well as self harm were in my mind today. But I did not do any of them. Which is extremely
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