Pain/healing/strength

Pain-mental or emotional suffering or torment

Healing- To become whole and sound; return to health.

 

I've been through a lot of pain in my life.  I have been mentally abusing my self for years. I've also  been through a lot of emotional abuse from others around me.  I've been harassed, I've been jumped. I've been threatened.

I have done so many harmful things to my self that I used to regreat. I was ashamed of what I have done. But my pain and suffering shows that I'm strong and I can keep moving.

People ask me, about my scars. And I say "I'm not ashamed of them, they show a different story" It also shows that I am healing, because there are no ,ore bright red marks on my arms, or my legs. There are just scars. Some faded and so permanent. I am not going to be ashamed by them. It show's strength.

Today, I have had sooo many urges to cut. But I didn't, why? Because I'm healing, and in this mind state I don't want anymore pain. I was put through a lot today. At voc I was threatened to get jumped and people were going to key my car. I cried and sat in my friends car for an hour. The teacher sat there and made sure I was safe... At that moment tears running down my cheek, sobbing to the point wear I can't breath. I wanted that pain to go away, I didn't want to feel scared or hurt anymore, It's all I could think about.

But that's when "healing" comes into play.

It's when I have to push my self and prove to myself that I am stronger then my urges.  I can go longer then I have ever before. I can be free. I can't let people bring me down anymore. There is no point. Hopefully that saying will get stuck in my head.