Fear/being let free

Fears-a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

 

When you struggle with any kind of illness, Fear is something that is constantly on your mind. 

Having cancer, a mental illness, or any other kind of illness. Fear is awaiting you at every corner, when you wake up. When you go to bed, when you get in a car with friends.

I know for me, fear plays a big role in my eating disorder. I'm scared to go out in public, I'm terrified of food, and of weight gain. I fear the unkown, I am always on the look out for something wrong to happen. 

Another thing that goes through your mind would is will I ever recover. I know that's on my mind as much as fear, it might be a little more. I can't help but think it can never happen. That's when fear comes in, I'm terrified that I don't have enough strength to recover.

When I sit there and those thoughts ponder through my mind I usually let them go at large, feeling to tired to fight agaisnt it. I always say whats the point. But in the past week, I have beem facing my fears, I'm eating food again, the kind that scares me to death. I mean for real in your mind I know your thinking, " It's just food". But in my mind, it's omg, a calorie. You don't need that, it will make you fat, go play a game. If your hungry in a hour that's when you will eat. Some times I cry, and just think how life would be with the fear gone.

It is different with every dieases, And I guess from my point of view, it's a big thing for me. I am so afraid. I've never let fear rule me. But for the past 3 years, it's made me paralyzed. 

I am slowly starting to let fear out of my mind. I am knocking walls down fast, because I am not letting fear control me anymore!