Sliping again:/

These past four days have not been easy, I have restricted and sat by the toilet crying. I haven't purged in six months, and I was so close to doing it today. Right now I am watching anxiety meditation videos as well as listing to music that will hopefully put me in a better mood. As Demi would say "I am a warrior". I have to keep fighting. For some reason I am really struggling, It started once my stomach started to get swollen. It's really bugging me, I can't handle it. It scares me, it makes me feel like I'm going to get big again.. I can't, I will trip out! I have two doctors appt tomorrow, and I need them. I need to get with a neurologist, As well as therapy.  I'm super busy tomorrow. :). Which Will keep my mind bust as well. I need distraction, I will keep fighting. I need to, so I can do well in college, I don't need weight in the back of my mind. These idealizations need to GTFO of my head! I feel as if I'm freaking out because it's summer, and I don't want to go swimming, and my friends want to go to the water park and it scares me, because I'm not comfortable with anyone seeing me.  I won't even go swimming by myself. I can't wait for tomorrow. Hopefully my day's get easier! I need sleep got 3 hours last night! I am TIRED!