A slip in recovory

In August I was admitted into an Eating disorder treatment center. I was there for 9 weeks. It was the hardest thing I ever did. I missed two months of my senior year so I thought.  I discussed things that had been bothering me for 5 years. I talked about things I had never thought about before. On my first day I was told my plate had to be completely cleared, I was a smart ass and said want me to F-ing lick it? So I DID, By the time I left, I was happy I was grateful. I loved the workers. 3 months later I relapsed. I was there for six weeks. It was a lot harder this time. I felt like a failure, I was miserable. I cried a lot. I talked more in these six weeks, I have ever cried in my life. I talked about things, I went into great detail. I have been in recovery for 5 months. I never thought that this would be possible. Today is the first time that I have struggle extremely bad since I got out. I didn't eat until 430.  When I got to work It was hard for me to eat. I wanted to purge after eating, which  I haven't done in six months. I didn't do it and I felt extremely great for not doing it. For the last three days Restricting has been on my mind, it scares me. I leave in two moths and 9 days for college, I will be on my own, as well as playing an intense sport. Which scares me as well. Because I'll only being seeing my therapist once every two weeks, and I will have to monitor my eating which Is going to be very hard for me, especially if I am struggling. I go to the doctors on Monday and I just went last week, and I'm afraid I have lost weight. Which half of me is like HELL yeah, and the other half is screaming no! It means a slip in recovery which I don't want. I'm sick of this. I know it's going to be with me for a long time, and I won't get my hunger ques back for up to two years I guess the point of this post was just to vent..Hopefullt I get back on track, tomorrow is a new day! The picture below is me and my baby, He made me a little happier today. He keeps me sane! I love him!