You need to walk in my shoes before you Judge me

It has been ten day's since I have written my daily blog. I have been deciding if I should continue writing these or not. I am only doing this because I need an outlet, because If I tell my best friend I will be judged.

Eating disorder-Any of a range of psychological disorders characterized by abnormal or disturbed eating habits (such as anorexia nervosa or bulimia as well as binge eating)

I have a very bad week when It comes to eating, I haven't struggled this much in 6 and a half months. I haven't restricted this bad in a long time. It started the 20th. Why? I ask myself the same question. I have no idea, but it's effecting me. I'm irritable and rude, and I am pushing my best friend away. At this point I am scared Because Almost a year ago I was entered into my first admission into the RCC, and I feel as if I am relapsing. THIS CAN NOT HAPPEN! I go of to college in 20 days. I will have no one around me to help me when I am down. My best friend doesn't want to try to help me, I won't have anyone to talk to about it. The only outlet I will have is a phone call to my therapist. Which she can not help me much because I am not there for a session. I am terrified to leave, because I am doing bad right now. I am scared, more then that I am terrified.  Today I had a session and I have yet to ball in front on my therapist and I had tears in my eyes and I feel as if she wanted to hug me to make me feel better. Today's session really put me into place, she has never been this helpful to me.. Over the past weekend the only time I ate was in the morning because they had BBQ food at night, which is a fear food of mine, which I haven't had a grilled burgar in about 4 years. I tend not to eat junk food because it has to much sodium in it, and that's about all they had as well.  When I came back my therapist was very concerned. She's not sure if I should go to college. But I am GOING TO SUCK IT UP! I need to get away, and I feel as if It will help me if I do so. I am pretty sure getting away from my normal routine and into a new environment will be so good for me. I am just sad that My best friend judges me, and will not do anything to learn about my disorder which I have developed over 4 or 5 years. I have had body image issues since I was about 11. As well as self harm issues.  And yet I still get judge by her, I am her roommate and this has to change.

 

 

 

Don't know what I will do not being around the thing that makes me love life!