self defeating thoughts

So I have been struggling with a passion lately.  I have been on the edge, it would be the week my therapist goes out of town. No way to get a hold of her. It sucks, Because I need her this week. Yesterday at  ceder point, I ate, and stooped myself from having any symptoms I stayed with my aunt so I couldn't purge.  I haven't purged in about a week now! Which is good, this morning I woke up and got an email suggesting that I go to treatment again for a booster, but I can't because I work 30 hours a week know.  And It will just make me worse. I'll be surrounded by people who are negative and I don't need that right now! I can do this with the work of my group and my twice a day therapy. To bad Kim is gone till Wednesday. I'm happy I have group tomorrow, I need it even though it's only an hour. 

By my friend Morgan her quote is "No one heals with out a struggle". She's right, she just made a shirt that says "You may have to fight a battle more then once to win it" I am going stronger because of her words of encouragement. If you read these thank you. I've been depressed but when I GO to work I get happy, so I'm excited I work everyday this week except for Sunday. Which I wonder if anyone will ask me to cover for them. I am going to be tired. 

So, people don't understand eating disorders, and they look at you like your retarded. It's complicated you won't understand unless you learn about it. But some people are to judgmental to even care, which really hurts. It kinda bugs me that my own best friend looks at me like I'm a freak.  I don't like being judged exspecially by my best friend, it kind of sucks. I'm not going to lie. 

People ask why I'm always at the dr's. I go three times a week, and when I say what for, Hannah goes Oh, and gives me attitude and then treats me different, others look at me and get silent. To me, your stronger if you seek help then get worse by the day. I held it in for a long time, and then it led to me self destructing. So I recommended it.