The stage of recovery that I am is a road block. You go down a road and you see a whole, you can either go around it: think about going around it and then walk into the whole because you're choosing between two hard things: Then the one were you don't even hesitate you just walk right in. For me I am in "I'll think about it and then walk into the whole because you can't choose which one you want". The whole day I was restricting. Then I went to my work and got a sub. Then I didn't eat till 1am. Which Isn't well either. But I'm stuck in a rut. When I was sitting there hanging out with my friends I was eating McDonalds. I tried to call my therapist but she still is out of town. I really needed her. But instead of having symptoms I held it in and went home to come vent. So, Here I go. I've gained 16 pounds now. And it's all in my thighs and stomach, which bugs me so much. I'm not comfortable. I'm going on a no fast food diet and all natural food diet. I can't wait for tennis to start tomorrow. I have two hours of that then a massage. Tuesday I have a banquet then tennis then group. Wednesday I have therapy then work. Thursday I have tennis. Friday I have orientation as well as work. Then sat a grad party then sunday nothing. I am keeping my self busy. I am savoding staying in my room. I am going to stay out and do things.
Today I had to leave my friends do to my eating disorder. It controlled me. WHICH it hasn't in a REALLY LONG TIME. I'm getting back on track next week two days of therapy and t\group. Then the next week two days of therapy and two group! I am going to get back on track!
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