Eating disorders to others vs reality

An eating disorder is an addiction, not a pretty one at that. Tons of people out there believe it's easy to loose weight while restricting. They don't think it's hard. I went around my college campus and did a questionair for my sociology class. Every answer was basically the same just worded differently. They all said they restricted for a few days, and lost 3 pounds and felt great so they stopped and then put why can't they stop. The reality of an eating disorder is below

• Laxatives in movies: Person immediately has blow-out diarrhea, with much hilarity.
• Laxatives in real life: Person waits six hours.. twelve hours.. forgets about taking laxatives.. then has blow-out diarrhea, usually in a public place, with much embarrassment.
• Purging in movies: Person sticks finger down throat, daintily pukes quietly into toilet, flushes, and looks fabulous.
• Purging in real life: Person sticks whatever is available down throat, struggles to puke, makes dying walrus noises, finally vomits, vomit comes out nose, gets vomit and toilet water splashed into face and hair, snots and drools for several more minutes, flushes, washes combination of vomit and snot off face, still looks like a train wreck and smells like vomit.
• Fasting in movies: Person never eats, ever, is super happy, and immediately becomes emaciated.
• Fasting in real life: Person fasts until the hunger overtakes the mind, finally breaks down and eats whatever is available, cries and is miserable, takes months to lose a significant amount of weight because metabolism is dead.
• Over-exercise in movies: Person runs for hours on the treadmill, looks fabulous and toned.
• Over-exercise in real life: Person struggles to run for hours on the treadmill, stumbles with shaking legs for the last hour, still looks flabby due to muscle wasting.
• Anorexics and bulimics in movies: Severely emaciated, everyone concerned.

• Anorexics and bulimics in real life: Come in all sizes, usually of "normal" weight, very few people notice or concerned. 

Eating disorders are not for fun AND they are not easy.  So many people think there easy and from exsperence it has made my life a living hell. 

Some even said they want to go down that path, I was astonished to hear that. Who WANTS to choose this path, I know I didn't.  The people in my survey also suggested that the people who suffered were pathetic and just wanted attention, in my case;  no that is not what happened.

People make assumptions and don't allow them selves to fully understand the situation. Which makes the person suffering have a tougher time dealing with the situation.....

On a better note today is LOVE your body day, so do something nice for it. Feed it, don't harm it. Draw a butterfly on it so you won't harm it. Do something that will satisfy it.

Discomfort with food.

The only way I can write this, is either while eating or after eating. Right now, I am eating tacos. It's my first time eating all day, and it's 9pm. I am stuck after my first taco. I love Tacos. The taste is magical, and it satisfies my craving. At first I was ecstatic, and was like Matt, lets go get food! He was shocked to hear that, because he knows I have been struggling. I am feeling disgust, and overwhelmed all at the same time.I don't really know how to right this, I feel ridiculous even thinking that I have a lot hate relationship.
  Since I was little I had to ask for food, most of the time I was told No. I had to ask for something to drink, anything in between. I was overweight, but I thought it didn't matter because my food was being controlled and I was being monitored. But then I started getting made fun of, and I started not eating at school, and keeping the money my mom gave me. It started when I was 14, But that was the only meal I skipped. And I had to eat whatever everyone else was eating.Which I never realized was a lot. Everyone in my family in morbidly obese, which also scares me. My mom used to say don't have more than two plates of spaghetti you'll end up like the family, with diabetes or overweight. Then My step dad would be like, continue to eat like that and you'll end up like me, "FAT". Which made my obsession with food go insane. So I ate every thing and anything. Which is when I weighed almost 200 pounds. So my relationship with food has been of whack for quiet some time. I loved food, it tasted great, and It gave me tons of energy to play all 5 sports in a day. I was still gaining weight, but it didn't matter. That's when I started getting commented on the weight I was gaining and said, maybe you shouldn't eat so much.
   That Is when food became my enemy, I realized that if I cut down my food and play my sports I would loose weight. But while going through this process, I began loosing my family, everyone was dying and people were leaving,  I HATE SAYING THIS, IT SOUNDS RIDICULOUS! I needed something to control, So I started restricting and it felt great! I was so happy I began getting smaller, and the picture came into my head, the smaller you get the prettier you'll get. So I kept restricting I went from 197 to 143 in less then two months. And guess what No one noticed. I Started feeling ashamed.  I couldn't play basketball or softball anymore, so I stopped. I went and got help on my own.
   But I've been in treatment two times. I did well and food was my friend. Now, that I was gaining weight and I'm in college I feel like I have to kept up my figure or loose weight. I am around so many skinny people, it makes me feel inferior. So My hate for food came back all the way. Every time I eat I feel ashamed, and I feel not worthy. and So I don't eat. I am not doing it for attention, I don't like attention focused on me unless it's positive. I do it for myself. Which I know is bull shit, because in part of me, I want to eat and then the mental games start in my head. Since I've started college, I went from weight to weight, and it was getting higher, and I couldn't do it anymore. So I have been restricting like crazy. I only ate probably 1000 calories from Monday till Friday. Which your supposed to eat more then that in a day.
  I find it easier to do other things while eating so I'll eat it. My 3 tacos are gone, and my step bro gave me cake. It's still on my plate, and It's hard to even look at it. I want to purge, but I am at home, and people are here, so I can't. Which is a good thing because I don't need to! No matter how bad I feel, and all the feelings that are inside me. I feel hate and disgust. So there you go Kim, I'm not sure if this is what you wanted, but it's all I've got.